...being important to God.
'Oh me..' That's what my late Grandma Cooper would say. I miss her. She went home to be with the Lord January 23, 2001.
Lately I have been feeling invisible. Know what I mean? I walk by someone & say hello, but they don't see or hear me. I sit down somewhere & people I know walk by & sit somewhere else. I'm in a conversation with someone & they trail off into another conversation with someone else. I know this isn't how I am supposed to see things. I know that I should speak louder, or reach out with a kind hand on the shoulder, or get up & go find someone to sit by. I know these things. But sometimes we don't do what we know to do. Sometimes we sit up under our juniper tree feeling sorry for ourselves.
It's difficult for me to write this post because..well..who wants to reveal their vulnerabilities? Should I? Should I not? Should I just keep this between God & I? Maybe, probably. But I'm choosing to share a small bit of what I've been struggling with because I know I'm not alone. In two senses; 1) I know I'm not the only person that has these internal struggles 2) I know God is with me.
When we moved to this small town (almost eight years ago) everyone was so friendly, they still are. We found a wonderful church where we were warmly welcomed. We adore the preschool & elementary school & hope to have a similar experience at the middle school next year. We just love Hilliard. However, since moving here I have had a struggle that I have never experienced before. While we have many acquaintances, a few friends & many sweet, precious church family members (that I know would be here for me in a crisis), I have not had the pleasure of experiencing a deep, close, personal friendship. I think I've gone through a range of emotions regarding this. Asking myself what's wrong with me, to reaching out to others which has produced short spurts of friendships, to getting angry & closing off those around me. Do I appear unapproachable? I hope not. Shyness has always been an issue for me & I know sometimes that can be misread. I do have a wonderful family that loves me very much & reminds me of that love every chance they get. I am so thankful for them.
OK, now l'll shift focus from me to God, because that is what my life should be about. I think God has revealed to me in this struggle is that He, Himself, is the only one that can satisfy me. I need to focus on Him, on His love, His grace, His purpose for me. As I read back through the first paragraph I wondered how we do the same things to God, treat Him as if He's invisible. We don't see or hear Him around us, we don't take time to sit down with Him, we start to pray but trail off into other thoughts. Yes, I am guilty of those things. Forgive me Lord.
Lately I have been feeling invisible. Know what I mean? I walk by someone & say hello, but they don't see or hear me. I sit down somewhere & people I know walk by & sit somewhere else. I'm in a conversation with someone & they trail off into another conversation with someone else. I know this isn't how I am supposed to see things. I know that I should speak louder, or reach out with a kind hand on the shoulder, or get up & go find someone to sit by. I know these things. But sometimes we don't do what we know to do. Sometimes we sit up under our juniper tree feeling sorry for ourselves.
It's difficult for me to write this post because..well..who wants to reveal their vulnerabilities? Should I? Should I not? Should I just keep this between God & I? Maybe, probably. But I'm choosing to share a small bit of what I've been struggling with because I know I'm not alone. In two senses; 1) I know I'm not the only person that has these internal struggles 2) I know God is with me.
When we moved to this small town (almost eight years ago) everyone was so friendly, they still are. We found a wonderful church where we were warmly welcomed. We adore the preschool & elementary school & hope to have a similar experience at the middle school next year. We just love Hilliard. However, since moving here I have had a struggle that I have never experienced before. While we have many acquaintances, a few friends & many sweet, precious church family members (that I know would be here for me in a crisis), I have not had the pleasure of experiencing a deep, close, personal friendship. I think I've gone through a range of emotions regarding this. Asking myself what's wrong with me, to reaching out to others which has produced short spurts of friendships, to getting angry & closing off those around me. Do I appear unapproachable? I hope not. Shyness has always been an issue for me & I know sometimes that can be misread. I do have a wonderful family that loves me very much & reminds me of that love every chance they get. I am so thankful for them.
OK, now l'll shift focus from me to God, because that is what my life should be about. I think God has revealed to me in this struggle is that He, Himself, is the only one that can satisfy me. I need to focus on Him, on His love, His grace, His purpose for me. As I read back through the first paragraph I wondered how we do the same things to God, treat Him as if He's invisible. We don't see or hear Him around us, we don't take time to sit down with Him, we start to pray but trail off into other thoughts. Yes, I am guilty of those things. Forgive me Lord.
Today I will choose to stand up & walk forward, to encourage someone who needs encouragement, to reach out and touch someone who needs to be touched, to sit by someone who needs someone to sit with & to listen to those speaking to me. Especially my Lord. Please Father, help me to be a good disciple. Help me to love others & glorify You. After all, that is why I was made.
I'd like to close this post with this video because I think it sums it all up.
If you've gotten this far in the post you will enjoy this.
I Was Made to Love You ~ Toby Mac
Oh my sweet friend! I have been way too busy this month and just had a chance to catch up on your blog. This post is so beautiful and vulnerable ~ I love you so much! Thank you for sharing your heart! I wish we didn't live so far apart ~ I hope you know how very special you are to me!
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